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I know that when I can feel my heart trying to break free from my rib cage, my breath is coming in short gasps and all I can hear in my ears is the sound of my blood pumping – I’m stressed…royally stressed. There is a knot in my stomach which feels like my insides have been gripped by the cold hand of death himself and my head is in pieces. It’s not work that has me stressed, it’s not the fact that I have no money that has me stressed, it’s my children, and the fact that two of my children are adults now doesn’t seem to make a difference to how much I stress over them.
Child 1 is at University a couple of hours drive away, or it would be a couple of hours if I had a car! She is causing very little stress to me at the moment thankfully, but as always that could change. Child number 2 has forced my already peaking stress-o-meter to overflow. Having recently left home to stand on his own two feet he has been informed that he can no longer live in the flat that he is living in and needs to move out NOW!!! Having to find someone that can help him move has been a nightmare, family members have proven themselves to be unwilling – which is lovely and supportive of them, and next time I run into any of the I shall be sure to mention how wonderful they are. Personally I have no access to transport until my other half returns home this weekend and can’t help him either. So what I have had to do, with the family turning down his cry from help, is call upon a friend and ask her son if he can help. The boys have never met, never had anything to do with each other at all, but he has at least come forward and said that he can help with whatever we need. My faith in humanity is now a little way to being restored. Though having child 2 move back home is not going to be easy, it’s going to be a squeeze but we will cope.
Child number 3 is still in primary school and is being bullied. As a mum I have done what I can in encouraging him to talk to his teacher about what has been happening, and we have all sat down together at school to bring everything out into the open. How do you explain to a child that they are not in trouble for telling on a bully? That they are not going to be punished for what they see as getting into trouble at school? Hopefully he knows that telling the truth does not bring punishment.
Thankfully I have just about replenished all of my magical supplies, including a lovely new pentagram necklace which I am now sporting and will be setting to work on some candle magic pretty soon to try and bring back some balance and harmony into what is becoming a very fraught household.
Insomnia is something I have to cope with every now and again, it generally last for a solid week and by the end of it my other half hides all of the sharp knives and does what ever he can to stay on my good side. I am now a couple of days into my week of non sleep, so now is not the time to keep me awake by snoring so hard it sounds like your in a tractor and ploughing a rather troublesome field.
The thing is, he sleeps to an Olympic standard, the loudest noise doesn’t wake him, neither does a gentle push, a nudge, a kick, a thump…or a pillow over the face! I have resorted to a combined kick, nudge and push manoeuvre which manages him to get him onto his side, it goes no where close to waking him, however it leaves me feeling like I could scream as once again I have almost been off to sleep and dragged back into the waking world by a sound akin to someone gargling with gravel.
There is something about the small hours of the morning though, when the world outside is finally silent and the only movement that you notice is that of the wild animals that have come out to forage for food. It is a peaceful time, a time when you can think without interruption from extraneous noise like your inconsiderate neighbours, badly trained dogs that bark the moment a leaf moves, and obnoxious kids that take control of the outside space as if they own it all. For all that I would much rather be sleeping, it is good to open the door wide, warm drink in hand and gaze up at the stars for a while, before another effort at this sleep thing.
I have quite enjoyed today, for the most part anyway…
I pulled all of my witchy paraphernalia out of storage and have to admit I was a little disappointed to see just how much I actually had left – not much! I seem to remember giving lots of things away to others who seemed to have a greater need of them, basically all I have left are my crystals a smudge stick and my athame. Time to restock methinks – good job I have a store stocking all of the necessary items!
I have achieved a lot of things today, which pleases me, it seems my resolution to balance my time better has worked today, my first day back at work after the holidays. I am hoping that the enthusiasm will continue, despite the hurdles that the universe likes to throw my way. I have promised myself that I will no longer fall over myself to get everything done at once, all last year family life was put on the back burner and work in it’s many guises took priority, simply because i found it difficult to not only manage my time but also say no when I needed to.
I am not normally a person that makes New Year resolutions, they always end up being broken promises, and what makes them worse is that I am breaking promises to myself. But this year with the new energy that is around us all I have more confidence in my ability to stay true to my promise. I hope that whatever resolutions you have made you manage to stick with them until you see the results that you want.
You hold the future in your hands…look after it, nurture it and reap the rewards that it promises. x
Did you feel it? Did you feel the shift in energy that took place as the year turned? I certainly did.
Don’t get me wrong it didn’t all just happen overnight, things have been transitioning for quite some time, and there have been some major and traumatic upheavals as the energies have been shifting and aligning. But for some reason, as I stepped out to do the ‘first footing’ for the family as midnight struck on New Years Eve, I felt it. I stepped out of the back door, tired and lethargic, happy to see the back of what has to have been one of the worst years we have lived through in a long time…and as I walked around to the front of the house something changed. I could hear the sounds of party revellers spilling out onto the street from several houses close by, the air was cold and clear and the ground wet underfoot, but during that short walk I felt a weight lift off me.
I made a point of chanting to myself as I walked, something about letting go of the old and stale and welcoming the new, and by the time I made it to the front door to be let into the house my head was held high, my shoulders had lost the stress they had been carrying and I felt (as cheesy as it is to say) quite joyous! I entered the house with a smile, was met with a glass of sparkling champagne by my beloved and we toasted the new year together. New Year – New Energy.
Something else changed this new year, for the first time since he was born, nearly eight years ago our son stayed up and welcomed the turning of the year with us, finally retiring to bed as the fireworks that were being let off around us died down, allowing the night once more to belong to the revellers and their festivities. Previous years have seen us creep into his room at the stroke of midnight and place a kiss onto his sleeping brow, passing on blessings and the hope that his coming year is happy and healthy. This year there were bear hugs and proper kisses, cuddles and wishes for the future. It was lovely.
Yet as part of me welcomed the start of the new year, another part of me was still wanting to rebel against the way that we have all conformed to the accepted calendar of the year. What is it with time? Why do we all conform to the rigid structure of the twenty four hour clock and way that time is regimented forcing us to obey it’s rules. Time, in my opinion, is far from rigid, it is a fluid entity that flows endlessly, it loops and replays, bends and overlaps and adds a dimension to life that few take the opportunity to enjoy. Hopefully, the new energies that around will open people hearts and minds so that they can see what they are missing and allow the world to enjoy a smoother, more peaceful existence.
Buccaneer Bill
Well the book has been published and is now available in paperback form and on the kindle.
What can I say – I am just so excited that I have actually been able to cross something off my ambitions list. Its a wonderful feeling and I hope that everyone gets to achieve at least one of their ambitions, especially one that they thought they would never ever achieve.
See what you can do with a little self belief?
By the way it’s a great stocking filler!
Adventure Awaits
I know that my blog has been quiet for a couple of days, but I have been so bogged down with different pieces of work it would have been nice to have two lap tops and two pairs of hands. Unfortunately there is only me, one pair of hands and one over worked laptop.
As the title of today’s post suggests I am branching out into pastures new, doing something that I have always wanted to do but never had the right amount of inspiration or motivation so see through to the end, until now.
I have spent a large proportion of the last couple of days getting to grips with publishing software, tax registrations and so many aspects of rights, copyright and sales and distribution methods that my head is spinning. But hopefully…hopefully in a few days time I will have a book for sale, authored by myself and aimed at children aged between 7 and 9. Oh yes, and it’s about pirates…and sea monsters…and a curse….
I am very lucky to be in the position to go into my sons school and work with the Y3 children, of which my son is part, and to get involved with both their topic work and literacy work based around the story.
Other than expansion on the literary front, my daughter has also informed me that she will be creating one off, unique pieces for the store, most probably goblets, which I am really looking forward to seeing, and uploading for you all to see.
It’s good to have things moving forwards again!
- Adventure Awaits
Last night saw myself and my two best friends heading up to Newcastle upon Tyne for the first night of the ‘Living Spirits Tour’. The tickets had been bought by my friend as part of my birthday present, and I have to admit I was quite looking forward to seeing these ‘professionals’ in action. Now I am not one for psychic shows on television, in fact I avoid them. I find them over hyped, insensitive and well, over produced. I have however been on a number of ghost hunts/investigations, held seances, channelled spirit, given readings and done just about everything that such an event involves. However I would never, ever, consider opening myself up to the criticism and ridicule that these TV Psychics get. Instead I’ll just get on with things, and commune with spirit in my own way, thank you very much.
Living Spirits Tour
It’s not that I am against psychics using television as a method or reaching their audiences, it’s just that in my opinion, the personal touch, the intimacy of the medium/spirit/ client relationship is lost in the process. Messers Fry and Acorah though I have seen on TV and was interested to know how they would be live on stage. I have to admit that there has always been something about Derek Acorah that just doesn’t sit well with me, but again that could all be down to the way that he is portrayed in the media and the image that he presents of himself as being more than a little showbiz personality/celebrity than a down to earth medium. Colin Fry however has always come across, to me anyway as being very down to earth and very connected to the world around him.
Derek Acorah took to the stage first, and I tried to take him at face value as though I had never seen him before. I found his method of mediumship strained, as though the information wasn’t flowing as well as it could. We all get bad connections and perhaps this was what he was experiencing as he was not 100% fit and well himself. To my mind it seemed as though he was always seeking validation for what he was putting out and was constantly repeating phrases like ‘That’s a fact’ and ‘That’s the truth’ as well as ‘Well that’s the information I have I can’t change it if you can’t accept it’. It just seemed to be hard work for him. By the end of his hour on the stage he was sweating profusely and looked as though he needed to lie down for a while.
After the interval, and some delicious sticky toffee ice cream, it was the turn of Colin Fry to take to the stage. He immediately struck up a rapport with the audience and you could feel the level of the energy in the room raising, even when he announced that he would be semi retiring at the end of the tour to be ordained as a spiritualist minister, you could still feel the response from the room. Messages that he received were passed on with some wonderful details, humour and yes, love. The information seemed to come far easier and was more refined and defined that from Mr Acorah. It did strike the three of us sitting there in the front row that it was the same people that were being retuned to with messages from loved ones, but I suppose some people need more support and reassurance than others. Colin was a lot smoother on the stage, a lot calmer and much more grounded and centred than could be said for Derek, his movements were frantic and jerky compared to those of his colleague.
The final part of the show saw the pair of them working together, though by this point I think the energy in the room had faded somewhat. People in the row behind us were moaning and complaining they were tired, some old dears along the row from us had been talking amongst themselves and causing a bit of an annoyance too. As we left the building to make our way back to the metro station through the monsoon conditions that cloaked the north east last night, Fry and Acorah were signing books in the foyer.
I’m glad I went, and I’m also glad that I got to experience ‘professionals’ at work, but, it’s not something that I shall be looking to do again.
It has been a very quiet weekend for me, my beloved hasn’t been home this weekend thanks to his ‘on call’ rota and my little man has spent the weekend with his Grandpa, so I have only had the dog (and a mountain of work) for company. It has given me time to catch up on some household chores, but also time to catch by breath.
Words of Wisdom
Last night I finished work earlier than usual and actually had the time to spend thinking about things, you know, the meaning of life the universe and everything. I had been listening to an audio book while I was in that bath – I know what you’re thinking, ‘How does she cope with the excitement???’ But honestly I can’t remember the last time I had the chance to indulge myself with a long and relaxing soak.
It was a book that had been written by a Buddhist, and he was reading his own work. His soft lilting Scottish accent was soothing in itself and as I listened how how as a young person he had felt as though he was a square peg in a round hole, I began to identify with his feelings of being the odd one out and not being able to figure out why. He had caught my attention and I was interested to know how he had found his place in the world and at last felt like he was accepted and finally fitted in. I have never felt like I have fitted in anywhere, at school in any of my previous employments and even in the society in which I live, I feel different, seeing the world from a different perspective to my neighbours and even some of my close friends.
I was asked to accept certain things when listening to the audio book, at first they seemed out of place, ridiculous and ‘wrong’, but once I started examining them more closely things began to slot into place and his words started to make sense. The part that struck me the most was the part about there being no past, no present and no future, only the ever unfolding present which is in a constant state of flux. It would take too long for me to try and explain that here, and I’m not sure I could do it effectively either.
I also agreed with the concept of our identities and perspectives being limited by the language that we know. We have no words to describe some of the Buddhist philosophies that I was being introduced to. We are taught through out language to define ourselves as individuals, ‘I am’ and all of the things around us as separate things too; ‘It is a river’, ‘That is a mountain’ etc, everything has a name that separates it from everything else. Yet my own believes tell me that everything is interconnected and nothing is really separate, yet there are no words for it. I wonder why?
How can we find our way in the world if we don’t have the vocabulary to express what we see, feel or are, as part of the interconnectedness of life itself? Instead we end up feeling labelled and compartmentalised by the language that we do have. No wonder we don’t feel like we fit in.
The day that we went to see the Clava Cairns we drove past a sign pointing out that we were close to Cawdor Castle, instantly I was transported back to English Literature classes at school and scenes from Macbeth ‘The Scottish Play’ immediately sprung to mind. Macbeth has always been my favourite Shakespeare play after all what more you you want from a piece of theatre? It has passion, treachery, murder and an impressive cast of witches! Macbeth was of course the ‘Thane of Cawdor‘ and it is these very thanes that built the castle, and the Cawdor family that still lives in this beautiful old building today.
Cawdor Castle
If Scotland had to offer up a fairytale castle this would be it, the grounds and gardens, and way that the castle looks as you approach it make it feel as though it could have come straight from the pages of a story book. But this is not a cold and desolate monument to the past it is very much alive and as mush a part of the country today as it was when it was built at the end of the 14th century. Back then it was a private fortress, the original part of the tower being built around a legendary holly tree. The legend relates to the search for a site on which to build the fortress, a donkey was sent out and wherever the animal lay to rest was where the fortress would be built, after days and nights of wandering it finally lay down to rest beside a holly tree, this tree, or what remains of it can be seen in the base of the tower today.
Castle Gardens
It has taken 600 years of different Cawdor family occupations to achieve the castle that we see today, the last additions to the structure being added in the 17th century. What you find is strong defensive structure that holds inside it a very warm and welcoming interior. Ancient state rooms are filled with modern family photographs that are dotted between pieces of antique furniture and fabulous tapestries and wall hangings. The atmosphere is friendly, the staff approachable and the grounds and gardens are beyond beautiful.
They made it!
The gardens are laid out into separate areas, one of which houses a hedged maze. Feeling that it would not do anything for my claustrophobia I stayed in the garden while father and son ventured into the maze. They were in there for quite some time, groups of German and American tourists came and went, having little difficulty solving the amazing maze. All I could hear was ‘Daddy we’re back in the middle again!’ or ‘We’ve been this way already daddy!’ They would come into sight occasionally and then disappear from view as they tried to find the way out. Of course they did make it out eventually, a little befuddled and frustrated (as the picture shows!) but it all added to the enjoyment of the day.
In order to work with magic it is important that you first have an understanding or the principles of magic, how it is used and how your attitude has a bearing on how successful your magic will be. You would not venture into a highly skilled job without first undertaking some training, so therefore you should not start working with the subtle energies that surround us without first understanding the basics of the craft you are about to enter into. As you travel the magical path you will discover for yourself that magic will very rarely allow itself to be misused in any way and you should consider the consequences of your magical workings to ensure that harm comes to no one by your actions.
Magic Hat
The word magic itself conjures up images of pointed hats covered in shiny silver stars, but in this sense what it refers to is the bond of energy that connects every living thing on the planet. Strings or ribbons of energy that join us all together forming one gigantic web. Despite the enormity of this energy web, the connections are fragile and something that affects a single strand can have consequences that resonate across the whole web. There are lots of different words to describe this incredible energy but in the world in which I exist I refer to it as spirit energy, an energy that surrounds us, binds us to each other and forms a very special ‘Fifth Element’. Just as a Christian has terms for the stations of the cross, I see the points on the pentagram as being Earth, Air, Fire and Water with Spirit at the top most point of the symbol, holding sway over all of the rest.
Delicate Web
When we start practising magic we are crafting new stands to this marvellous energy web, and we need to ensure that the actions we take have only a positive impact on the web as a whole. So before you perform any energy work ask yourself a few questions to ensure that you are doing the right thing. Firstly do you need to cast your spell, is it your only option? Consider whether your goal could be achieved by more material means. Secondly, are you your spell is what is truly required? For example someone asking for a spell to improve their health could be more in need of making some simple lifestyle changes than magic. Then of course there are the laws of magic to consider.
Threefold Law
Just as there are laws that define the sciences there are laws that guide the use and application of magic. One of the most common and well-known of which is the threefold law, in simple terms this is the law that states whatever you put out into the universe you will get back three times greater, this applies to negativity as well as anything positive. So why people believe that witchcraft is all about curses is beyond me, as why would we spend out time cursing people only to have out ill wishes bounce back to us three times worse? It makes for more sense for a witch to be a positive influence than a negative one. Call it karma, cause and effect or whatever you will in reality it all comes down to ethics.
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