Stress Levels Dangerously High Today

I know that when I can feel my heart trying to break free from my rib cage, my breath is coming in short gasps and all I can hear in my ears is the sound of my blood pumping – I’m stressed…royally stressed. There is a knot in my stomach which feels like my insides have been gripped by the cold hand of death himself and my head is in pieces. It’s not work that has me stressed, it’s not the fact that I have no money that has me stressed, it’s my children, and the fact that two of my children are adults now doesn’t seem to make a difference to how much I stress over them.

Child 1 is at University a couple of hours drive away, or it would be a couple of hours if I had a car! She is causing very little stress to me at the moment thankfully, but as always that could change. Child number 2 has forced my already peaking stress-o-meter to overflow. Having recently left home to stand on his own two feet he has been informed that he can no longer live in the flat that he is living in and needs to move out NOW!!! Having to find someone that can help him move has been a nightmare, family members have proven themselves to be unwilling – which is lovely and supportive of them, and next time I run into any of the I shall be sure to mention how wonderful they are. Personally I have no access to transport until my other half returns home this weekend and can’t help him either. So what I have had to do, with the family turning down his cry from help, is call upon a friend and ask her son if he can help. The boys have never met, never had anything to do with each other at all, but he has at least come forward and said that he can help with whatever we need. My faith in humanity is now a little way to being restored. Though having child 2 move back home is not going to be easy, it’s going to be a squeeze but we will cope.

Child number 3 is still in primary school and is being bullied. As a mum I have done what I can in encouraging him to talk to his teacher about what has been happening, and we have all sat down together at school to bring everything out into the open. How do you explain to a child that they are not in trouble for telling on a bully? That they are not going to be punished for what they see as getting into trouble at school? Hopefully he knows that telling the truth does not bring punishment.

Thankfully I have just about replenished all of my magical supplies, including a lovely new pentagram necklace which I am now sporting and will be setting to work on some candle magic pretty soon to try and bring back some balance and harmony into what is becoming a very fraught household.

Taken to the Edge of Sanity by Snoring

Insomnia is something I have to cope with every now and again, it generally last for a solid week and by the end of it my other half hides all of the sharp knives and does what ever he can to stay on my good side. I am now a couple of days into my week of non sleep, so now is not the time to keep me awake by snoring so hard it sounds like your in a tractor and ploughing a rather troublesome field.

The thing is, he sleeps to an Olympic standard, the loudest noise doesn’t wake him, neither does a gentle push, a nudge, a kick, a thump…or a pillow over the face! I have resorted to a combined kick, nudge and push manoeuvre which manages him to get him onto his side, it goes no where close to waking him, however it leaves me feeling like I could scream as once again I have almost been off to sleep and dragged back into the waking world by a sound akin to someone gargling with gravel.

There is something about the small hours of the morning though, when the world outside is finally silent and the only movement that you notice is that of the wild animals that have come out to forage for food. It is a peaceful time, a time when you can think without interruption from extraneous noise like your inconsiderate neighbours, badly trained dogs that bark the moment a leaf moves, and obnoxious kids that take control of the outside space as if they own it all. For all that I would much rather be sleeping, it is good to open the door wide, warm drink in hand and gaze up at the stars for a while, before another effort at this sleep thing.

Abandoned by Sleep…

For reasons known only to Morpheus himself last night sleep never came to call. I waited and I waited by still it never came.

There I was laying in bed, in the dark, the house as silent as a crypt when it occurred to me that I wasn’t alone. From across the other side of the room were the unmistakable noises made by a cat padding its way across the top of the chest of drawers, bumping into the modem, jewellery box and other things that were on there. I had heard it earlier and just dismissed it as one of those noises that the house makes while it is settling down of an evening. So switching on all of my senses I began to pay notice to what was happening in the room.

If you have never experienced contact with spirit what I am about to describe will probably sound ridiculous, far fetched, perhaps like something out of the movies, but I assure you its very real.

Spirit is in essence energy, part of the energy web that links all living things everywhere together. As I asked aloud for a tangible sign that I was not alone I began to observe the green ethereal mist that I have learned to associate with spirit energy, its not always green by the way but it was last night. I acknowledged the energy and ask for clarification as to who was in visitation with me, and there within the swirling mist appeared two incredibly bright green lights, the only association that I could make was with cats eyes, and as soon as the link was made, the sound of items on the chest of drawers being disturbed reoccurred, reinforcing the image of the cat.

It must be almost two years now since we lost the cats, one to a fight with a fox – he was a real ruffian that one, but he had the softest fur, and one, well she was his mother and she just wasn’t the same after he’d gone. At first I wasn’t sure which one had returned, but once I felt the weight of a small furry body climb onto my chest,  and felt the padding of the paws as she got comfortable I knew it was her, then just as I was about to say her name, the softest and most recognisable purr was heard.

I many not have slept, but I was certainly not lonely.

A Burst of Productivity!

I have quite enjoyed today, for the most part anyway…

I pulled all of my witchy paraphernalia out of storage and have to admit I was a little disappointed to see just how much I actually had left – not much! I seem to remember giving lots of things away to others who seemed to have a greater need of them, basically all I have left are my crystals a smudge stick and my athame. Time to restock methinks – good job I have a store stocking all of the necessary items!

I have achieved a lot of things today, which pleases me, it seems my resolution to balance my time better has worked today, my first day back at work after the holidays. I am hoping that the enthusiasm will continue, despite the hurdles that the universe likes to throw my way. I have promised myself that I will no longer fall over myself to get everything done at once, all last year family life was put on the back burner and work in it’s many guises took priority, simply because i found it difficult to not only manage my time but also say no when I needed to.

I am not normally a person that makes New Year resolutions, they always end up being broken promises, and what makes them worse is that I am breaking promises to myself. But this year with the new energy that is around us all I have more confidence in my ability to stay true to my promise. I hope that whatever resolutions you have made you manage to stick with them until you see the results that you want.

A New Beginning…

You hold the future in your hands…look after it, nurture it and reap the rewards that it promises. x

Did you feel it? Did you feel the shift in energy that took place as the year turned? I certainly did.

Don’t get me wrong it didn’t all just happen overnight, things have been transitioning for quite some time, and there have been some major and traumatic upheavals as the energies have been shifting and aligning. But for some reason, as I stepped out to do the ‘first footing’ for the family as midnight struck on New Years Eve, I felt it. I stepped out of the back door, tired and lethargic, happy to see the back of what has to have been one of the worst years we have lived through in a long time…and as I walked around to the front of the house something changed. I could hear the sounds of party revellers spilling out onto the street from several houses close by, the air was cold and clear and the ground wet underfoot, but during that short walk I felt a weight lift off me.

I made a point of chanting to myself as I walked, something about letting go of the old and stale and welcoming the new, and by the time I made it to the front door to be let into the house my head was held high, my shoulders had lost the stress they had been carrying and I felt (as cheesy as it is to say) quite joyous! I entered the house with a smile, was met with a glass of sparkling champagne by my beloved and we toasted the new year together. New Year – New Energy.

Something else changed this new year, for the first time since he was born, nearly eight years ago our son stayed up and welcomed the turning of the year with us, finally retiring to bed as the fireworks that were being let off around us died down, allowing the night once more to belong to the revellers and their festivities. Previous years have seen us creep into his room at the stroke of midnight and place a kiss onto his sleeping brow, passing on blessings and the hope that his coming year is happy and healthy. This year there were bear hugs and proper kisses, cuddles and wishes for the future. It was lovely.

Yet as part of me welcomed the start of the new year, another part of me was still wanting to rebel against the way that we have all conformed to the accepted calendar of the year. What is it with time? Why do we all conform to the rigid structure of the twenty four hour clock and way that time is regimented forcing us to obey it’s rules. Time, in my opinion, is far from rigid, it is a fluid entity that flows endlessly, it loops and replays, bends and overlaps and adds a dimension to life that few take the opportunity to enjoy. Hopefully, the new energies that around will open people hearts and minds so that they can see what they are missing and allow the world to enjoy a smoother, more peaceful existence.

I’m Now a Published Author!

Buccaneer Bill

Well the book has been published and is now available in paperback form and on the kindle.

What can I say – I am just so excited that I have actually been able to cross something off my ambitions list. Its a wonderful feeling and I hope that everyone gets to achieve at least one of their ambitions, especially one that they thought they would never ever achieve.

See what you can do with a little self belief?

By the way it’s a great stocking filler!

Branching Out into Pastures New

Adventure Awaits

I know that my blog has been quiet for a couple of days, but I have been so bogged down with different pieces of work it would have been nice to have two lap tops and two pairs of hands. Unfortunately there is only me, one pair of hands and one over worked laptop.

As the title of today’s post suggests I am branching out into pastures new, doing something that I have always wanted to do but never had the right amount of inspiration or motivation so see through to the end, until now.

I have spent a large proportion of the last couple of days getting to grips with publishing software, tax registrations and so many aspects of rights, copyright and sales and distribution methods that my head is spinning. But hopefully…hopefully in a few days time I will have a book for sale, authored by myself and aimed at children aged between 7 and 9. Oh yes, and it’s about pirates…and sea monsters…and a curse….

I am very lucky to be in the position to go into my sons school and work with the Y3 children, of which my son is part, and to get involved with both their topic work and literacy work based around the story.

Other than expansion on the literary front, my daughter has also informed me that she will be creating one off, unique pieces for the store, most probably goblets, which I am really looking forward to seeing, and uploading for you all to see.

It’s good to have things moving forwards again!

Adventure Awaits

Colin Fry & Derek Acorah – Living Spirits Tour

Last night saw myself and my two best friends heading up to Newcastle upon Tyne for the first night of the ‘Living Spirits Tour’. The tickets had been bought by my friend as part of my birthday present, and I have to admit I was quite looking forward to seeing these ‘professionals’ in action. Now I am not one for psychic shows on television, in fact I avoid them. I find them over hyped, insensitive and well, over produced. I have however been on a number of ghost hunts/investigations, held seances, channelled spirit, given readings and done just about  everything that such an event involves. However I would never, ever, consider opening myself up to the criticism and ridicule that these TV Psychics get. Instead I’ll just get on with things, and commune with spirit in my own way, thank you very much.

Living Spirits Tour

It’s not that I am against psychics using television as a method or reaching their audiences, it’s just that in my opinion, the personal touch, the intimacy of the medium/spirit/ client relationship is lost in the process. Messers Fry and Acorah though I have seen on TV and was interested to know how they would be live on stage. I have to admit that there has always been something about Derek Acorah that just doesn’t sit well with me, but again that could all be down to the way that he is portrayed in the media and the image that he presents of himself as being more than a little showbiz personality/celebrity than a down to earth medium. Colin Fry however has always come across, to me anyway as being very down to earth and very connected to the world around him.

Derek Acorah took to the stage first, and I tried to take him at face value as though I had never seen him before. I found his method of mediumship strained, as though the information wasn’t flowing as well as it could. We all get bad connections and perhaps this was what he was experiencing as he was not 100% fit and well himself. To my mind it seemed as though he was always seeking validation for what he was putting out and was constantly repeating phrases like ‘That’s a fact’ and ‘That’s the truth’ as well as ‘Well that’s the information I have I can’t change it if you can’t accept it’. It just seemed to be hard work for him. By the end of his hour on the stage he was sweating profusely and looked as though he needed to lie down for a while.

After the interval, and some delicious sticky toffee ice cream, it was the turn of Colin Fry to take to the stage. He immediately struck up a rapport with the audience and you could feel the level of the energy in the room raising, even when he announced that he would be semi retiring at the end of the tour to be ordained as a spiritualist minister, you could still feel the response from the room. Messages that he received were passed on with some wonderful details, humour and yes, love. The information seemed to come far easier and was more refined and defined that from Mr Acorah. It did strike the three of us sitting there in the front row that it was the same people that were being retuned to with messages from loved ones, but I suppose some people need more support and reassurance than others. Colin was a lot smoother on the stage, a lot calmer and much more grounded and centred than could be said for Derek, his movements were frantic and jerky compared to those of his colleague.

The final part of the show saw the pair of them working together, though by this point I think the energy in the room had faded somewhat. People in the row behind us were moaning and complaining they were tired, some old dears along the row from us had been talking amongst themselves and causing a bit of an annoyance too. As we left the building to make our way back to the metro station through the monsoon conditions that cloaked the north east last night, Fry and Acorah were signing books in the foyer.

I’m glad I went, and I’m also glad that I got to experience ‘professionals’ at work, but, it’s not something that I shall be looking to do again.

 

Sunday Thoughts

It has been a very quiet weekend for me, my beloved hasn’t been home this weekend thanks to his ‘on call’ rota and my little man has spent the weekend with his Grandpa, so I have only had the dog (and a mountain of work) for company. It has given me time to catch up on some household chores, but also time to catch by breath.

Words of Wisdom

Last night I finished work earlier than usual and actually had the time to spend thinking about things, you know, the meaning of life the universe and everything. I had been listening to an audio book while I was in that bath – I know what you’re thinking, ‘How does she cope with the excitement???’ But honestly I can’t remember the last time I had the chance to indulge myself with a long and relaxing soak.

It was a book that had been written by a Buddhist, and he was reading his own work. His soft lilting Scottish accent was soothing in itself and as I listened how how as a young person he had felt as though he was a square peg in a round hole, I began to identify with his feelings of being the odd one out and not being able to figure out why. He had caught my attention and I was interested to know how he had found his place in the world and at last felt like he was accepted and finally fitted in. I have never felt like I have fitted in anywhere, at school in any of my previous employments and even in the society in which I live, I feel different, seeing the world from a different perspective to my neighbours and even some of my close friends.

I was asked to accept certain things when listening to the audio book, at first they seemed out of place, ridiculous and ‘wrong’, but once I started examining them more closely things began to slot into place and his words started to make sense. The part that struck me the most was the part about there being no past, no present and no future, only the ever unfolding present which is in a constant state of flux. It would take too long for me to try and explain that here, and I’m not sure I could do it effectively either.

I also agreed with the concept of our identities and perspectives being limited by the language that we know. We have no words to describe some of the Buddhist philosophies that I was being introduced to. We are taught through out language to define ourselves as individuals, ‘I am’ and all of the things around us as separate things too; ‘It is a river’, ‘That is a mountain’ etc, everything has a name that separates it from everything else. Yet my own believes tell me that everything is interconnected and nothing is really separate, yet there are no words for it. I wonder why?

How can we find our way in the world if we don’t have the vocabulary to express what we see, feel or are, as part of the interconnectedness of life itself? Instead we end up feeling labelled and compartmentalised by the language that we do have. No wonder we don’t feel like we fit in.

Mabon Blessings

Mabon Blessings

Once again the wheel of the year has turned and Mabon is upon us once again. The Sabbat falls between the 20th-23rd September in time with the Autumn Equinox. This is a festival that is known by many names by many people, it is the Autumn Equinox, the Feast of Avalon, the Second Harvest, and Alban Elfed. As with the Spring Equinox night and day are balanced as is the power shared between the Goddess and the God – the moon and the sun. The bounty of produce borne by the land is the result of the union of the two, it is a time of gathering this bounty and storing it so that it sees us through the cold, dark days of winter.

This is the time of year when thanks is given for the bounty that has been delivered to us and the point of the year when the suns power starts to fade as the year begins to draw to a close, with it finally leaving at the time of the winter equinox in December.

Mabon Symbols: Fruits of the harvest made into garlands or cornucopias- apples, acorns, autumn leaves, wheat, pine cones. Mabon foods include root vegetables, pumpkins and gourds, nuts, apples and corn, drinks are traditionally apple cider, wine and beer.

Mabon Colours: The colours of Autumn – oranges, reds, golds and browns as well as indigo, violet and maroon.

Mabon Gemstones: Yellow topaz, yellow agate, carnelian, sapphire, lapis lazuli and amethyst.

Mabon Herbs/Plants: Oak leaves, marigolds, ivy, hops, honeysuckle, hazel, pine, roses, thistles, solomons seal, vines, cloves, jasmine, ferns, milkweed, tobacco, acorns, asters, aloe wood, cedar, passion flower, chrysanthemums and sage.

Mabon Incense/Resins: Pine, benzoin,cinnamon, musk, frankinsence, myrrh.

Mabon Deities: Goddesses include – Demeter, Morgon, Epona and the Muses. Gods include – Thor, Hermes, Thoth, Herne and Bacchus. The sabbat takes its name from the Mabon (Modron) which are a representation of the principle of fertilisation in ancient Welsh myth. his name translates as the great Son of the Great Mother, his mother of course being the Great Goddess.

Mabon Customs: Walking of the wilderness paths through forests and woodlands gathering pine cones, seed pods, fallen branches and wild herbs for use in future magical workings or for altar decoration. It is believed that at this time of year is the best time of year to perform protection, prosperity and wealth spells and magic relating to self confidence and security. Fruits and berries appear on altars replacing the items that were symbolising summer.